Zip it!

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I’ve learned that sometimes we just need to zip our lips!   Obviously as women this can be especially difficult sometimes,  but it’s amazing what saying nothing can actually do.

At the end of the day, what did you accomplish by getting the last word in, or making some snippy comment, or making sure that your opinion was heard?  Did you really gain anything?  Chances are you didnt, and if you did it was likely an argument and an upset husband. Why is it that we are so intent on doing some of these behaviors?  Perhaps this is how your mother was, or maybe how the people around you are. It could be a number of things. The good news is, behaviors can be changed!

For example, a few days ago I was meeting my husband for lunch with the children. He ended up being held up longer than expected at work, so he asked me to order food. Now, from his text message I thought he just wanted me to order the kids food, and we would order our food when he arrived. This was not what he meant, he wanted me to order all of the food hoping it would be ready by the time he got there. Well when he arrived the kids were the only ones with plates in front of them. He was immediately irritated, already being stressed out from work. He questioned why I hadn’t ordered all of the food, and I answered by telling him his text message inferred he just wanted me to order the kids food. To try to prove my point further, I proceeded to take out my cell phone, show him the text, and explain my side of the story.

What did I gain from this?  An irritated husband and a very quiet lunch. If I would have just apologized for misunderstanding and tracked down the waitress to get our order in ASAP we would have had the enjoyable lunch we originally planned. Instead, I had to make something of it and prove myself to be right. I should have just zipped my lips!

Obviously this is just one example, but I’m sure we have all been guilty of this at one time or another. On top of everything,  I was not showing my husband any respect by doing this to him. It was as though I was trying to be little him. This goes completely against the ways of a retro housewife. We should always shown our husband’s the upmost respect, not questioning them, and never trying to prove something.

Also, the fact that the children were there may give them the impression that it’s OK to question daddy or try to prove him wrong. Children truly do pay so much attention to us, mocking us and following our examples. We must always be careful what example it is we are setting.

I challenge us all to really think before we speak!  Take a moment to think what the point of what you are about to say really is. Are you trying to prove something?   Is it really necessary?  Am I respecting my husband?

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5 thoughts on “Zip it!

  1. Great post and can I ever relate! Goodness, I have gone to great lengths to be ‘right’ and caused a lot of unneeded strife. Great advice. Thanks for sharing! ~Blessings~

  2. This truly made me think about the saying “think before you speak”. You brought up many valid points and this post was wonderful! Can’t wait until the next one!

  3. Upon reading your very insightful post, I couldn’t help but be drawn in by how very valid your feelings toward leaving well enough alone, so to speak are, but also felt some the points you made were extremely self demoralizing! I wholeheartedly agree that in life there are times when we should “zip our lips.” I personally say many times throughout the course of just one day that we must pick our battles wisely. I actually pondered whether speaking out on this post would be a good choice. I’ve also chosen not to correct your flagrant typos. I can’t let myself turn in for bed without attempting to cast some light in your direction. I know that pride of a woman who wants to feel they are serving their man. I have felt that! I also left the person who led to my feeling that was my “womanly role.” You have a great deal of worth and you are equally as irreplaceable as your husband!!! I would never pride myself in being anything that could be defined as a nag, especially toward the man of my life. However, to bow down to a man and to shudder at the thought of questioning him! I’m horrified and sickened at your desire to feed into such an unhealthy and thank God, outdated/abandoned mindset. For being the retro housewife you so fancy yourself to be, for starters you’re certainly blogging, which needless to say was not part of any retro housewive’s daily ritual nor was texting. I think communication on both your parts should have been a lot stronger. He could have specified further and you certainly could have asked. You are well within your rights as a self- respecting woman to point out to your “irritated husband” it was unclear to you. If lunch was quiet because of that, you have a much bigger problem on your hands, commonly known as an insenitive asshole. My husband would never carry such a frivolous mistake against me to the point our meal is unhappy. I would not tolerate it. His causing you to regret bringing anything up is very wrong, in my opinion. You have children as you stated, I’m really saddened to think of the example you’re setting for your sons or daughters. We couldn’t be more blessed than to live in a day and age when equality is being embraced more than it ever has in history!!! But you’re so eagerly trying to recreate a time that was full of war! Racism! Segregation! And a forge for women’s rights by those women who endured cat calls/sexual harassment and a glass ceiling that we are finally succeeding in breaking through! How dare you spread the thought that to EVER question your partner is wrong. “Don’t question daddy”??? You feel taking a submissive role is attractive? We need to break that cycle!!! There’s a big difference between condescending and hateful and simply pointing out that their ugly attitude isn’t necessary, is not wrong! I am so proud to be part of a union where I feel I am a loving partner and that is all. We both EQUALS. Our dual roles in our union are to do our best at creating balance for our family unit. I was the sole breadwinner the beginning of this year, and now he is. Some days I make dinner, and some days he makes dinner. Some days I bathe our daughter and others he does. We both contribute to the best of our ability no matter the task at hand. He just washed the dishes today. We work as a team. If he leaves the toilet seat up, he won’t be hearing anything from me and I will truly take pride in picking up those dirty towels. But if he had a moment like your husband, forgetting what’s important and being in a tiff over his lunch not being ordered, is a immature on his behalf. I think your feelings toward the situation were perfect until you got to the point where you seemed ashamed that you questioned him at all. It’s wonderful that you took accountability for your being combative when you thought that you shouldn’t have, but why aren’t you holding him responsible as well for showing up stressed and carrying it on? Any strong man who has to be babied in a situation like that, is not a strong man!! You feel you’re teaching your children something wrong to question daddy? That sounds from my position, extremely narrow minded and sexist. And that is the last thing I would ever want to teach a young child. That we should cowar to our parter because they work. Living in fear on any level is not ok!! I let my daughter out of bed to have a snack tonight. I let her have a cookie which is not very often. Well, she was trying to scarf it down while daddy was in the restroom because she obviously didn’t think he would approve. I set her down and very lovingly explained to her she has nothing to be scared of! I will happily let daddy know I said it was okay. It made me very sad she acted like that because we live in such a happy home, but still she was subconsciously fearful of the male figure in her life. if I had fed into that fear, that is probably one of the single most tragic disservices I could do my young daughter!! If he meets me and our children at a restaurant for lunch irritated at all, I’ll remind him that we’re blessed enough to even be sitting there together as a family and it will be much appreciated if he takes the time to make his text message a lot more clearer if he wants his food ordered. Zip my lips? Certainly, but blindly fear questioning my husband? Never. I’m proud to be with a man who couldn’t respect me if that’s something I could ever think to do with my free will. Far too many women poured blood, sweat, and much more than tears to afford us the rights we have today! Being a retro housewifeel doesn’t have to embody EVERTHING about those hard times. Do you drink as much liquor too? I bet you don’t. 🙂 We have the power of choice now as women! Appreciate it.

    • Hello there and I very much appreciate your comment! I admit I don’t always do a great job of re-reading my posts to correct errors and typos, so I apologize that this seemed to bother you so much. Unfortunately I’m only human!

      Like I stated in the post, this was just one example of a time where I think it would have been beneficial for me to not be so prideful and just to be quiet. Not sit there and try to justify why I did what I did, because at the end of the day there was really no benefit in doing that! I also should have explained in the post that our lunch time is very limited, so having our food ready when he got there would have been very helpful. He may get called back to work at any time, so we try to make the most of the time we do have.

      And thank you for your kind words, I also feel that a husband and wife’s role are equally important, and one cannot function without the other.

      You are also very right in saying that retro housewives didn’t blog and I do. I am so thankful for all of the modern conveniences that we have that were unavailable at that time; blogging, cell phones, a washer and dryer, dishwasher, etc. We are so fortunate to live in this modern world with so many conveniences. I definitely don’t take on every single aspect of being a retro housewife, more of what I believe to be the general idea of it.

      I really love to hear from those with different opinions than mine. I have no problem with it at all as it is something I do face often being that my way of life isn’t exactly the most popular. What did bother me, however, is when you suggested that I am dealing with “insensitive a**hole”. You know nothing of myself or my family except for what you have read here on my pretty limited content blog, so I think for you to say something like that is incredibly rude and unnecessary. Disagreeing is one thing, being rude and disrespectful is another.

      I’m not going to go through your comment and address everything you stated, mostly because I don’t think there is much of a point, and that is alright! I think we will have to agree to disagree that we definitely have very different views on life, and that I think is what makes the world such a wonderful place to be in. If we were all the same it would be a very boring place to live!

      I definitely appreciate how far women have come, and I love the fact that I am able to choose to be a homemaker and embrace that role and truly enjoy it. Thank you again for sharing your opinions and I hope you will come back to visit my blog again. I’ll try to work on my typos!

      -Nicole

  4. I think I somewhat failed in my delivery. I apologize sincerely for any crass/ugliness that was hurtful or offensive. I greatly appreciate your embracing my opinions so warmly! My heart sank at the thought of your maybe being inclined to live in your husband’s shadow. Some of your closing thoughts came across as though you felt questioning his feelings toward anything is wrong. I hope you’re enjoying your morning! Thank you, again!! I know I certainly had typos. I know we don’t know one another and I tried to explain I’m not one to nit pick at the small stuff. I also should have further emphasized “if” his being so irritated with you is the norm, only then you MIGHT have a bigger issue. I truly meat the if and that generalization was not directed toward anyone specifically.

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