Greeting Your Husband Properly

article-0-0858384E000005DC-542_468x555

I know I have touched on this topic before, but the way that you greet your husband when he comes home from work can have a huge impact on your relationship, whether you realize it or not.  It is so much more meaningful than we give credit.

Scenario 1-

Your husband is coming home from a long, stressful day at work.  He’s worn out and tired, and there’s nothing more he would like than to come home to his lovely wife and children; his sanctuary.  Instead, he comes home to chaos.  The children are running around the house making lots of noise, there’s a pile of dishes in the sink, there are toys scattered about, dinner isn’t even close to being ready, and his wife looks stressed out and disheveled. No one even hears him come through the door.  He realizes all he really wants to do is walk right back out that door, and go have a drink at a nearby bar.

Scenario 2-

Your husband is driving home from a long, stressful day at work.  He’s exhausted and tired, and he can’t wait to be home with his lovely wife and children.  He walks through the door, the house is spotless and the aroma of dinner fills his nose.  His wife greets him looking fresh faced and lovely, carrying his favorite drink in her hand.  The children are calm and lovely as well, and greet him with longing hugs and kisses.  His favorite genre of music is playing softly throughout the house.  Everything is wonderful and perfect.  He is so happy to finally be home with his family; he is truly in his sanctuary.

Which husband is trying to leave work early, and which one seems to always have to work late?  Make your home a place that your husband counts down the minutes to come home to.

15-20 minutes before your husband comes home, you should freshen yourself up.  Powder your face, brush your hair, sprtiz on some perfume.  Make sure you don’t look tired or stressed out, you should look fresh faced and happy to see him.  Don’t greet him in sweatpants and house slippers!  Put on a nice housedress or outfit that he likes you in.  You’ll want to do the same for your children.  Make sure they’re in clean clothes and have clean faces.  If your children eat dinner separately from you and your husband, they should already be fed and the dishes cleaned or in the dishwasher.  The entire kitchen should be cleaned except for whatever you’re using for you and your husbands dinner.  In fact, the whole house should be clean.  There shouldn’t be any clutter lying around.  Everything should be neat and tidy and in its place, all surfaces should be wiped down.  The house should smell clean and fresh, but not of cleaning products.  You should also greet him with a drink when he comes home.  This doesn’t necessarily mean alcoholic, maybe when he gets home he would like nothing more than some fresh squeezed lemonade or ice water.  If you don’t know, ask him!  My husband loves the classic tunes of Dean Martin and Frank Sinatra, so I make sure before he comes home that it is playing on the stereo in the house.  iTunes radio or Pandora are wonderful to have your husbands favorite music playing when he comes home!  You also want to know what time he wants dinner.  I know some men want to come home to dinner ready on the table, while others prefer to relax for a while before eating.  You know your husband better than anyone else, so you know what you need to do in order to meet his needs.  And if you don’t know, ask!  How many of you have actually ever asked your husband what he would like when he comes home?

family-values-wife-serving-husband

This is not only good for your husband, it is good for you and your entire family as well.  The entire atmosphere of your home is different when you put these things into practice.  You will eliminate stress as you will have everything prepared by the time he gets home.  If you’re using your schedule, you should have no problem getting everything done.  You will also enjoy the extra time you have together.  Instead of there being chaos trying to finish cleaning and putting dinner on the table, these things will be already taken care of.  You can enjoy watching a favorite TV show or movie together before bed.  Your quality time together will increase.  He will also be in a much better mood when he gets home, which definitely puts the entire family at ease.  Everyone is happy to see each other, and there is minimal stress and tension.  It will make you feel so good knowing that you created this!

The bottom line is that he should be coming home to peacefulness.  He should be coming home to a place full of joy and love, a place where he can unwind and relax after a hard days work.  Let him start the conversation for the evening, you should never bother him with problems or your day right when he gets home.  If he’s around people all day, he really might just want some peace and quiet, or maybe even a little time alone.  He may just want to enjoy your company, minus the conversation.  You should try your best to respect this and look at things from his point of view.  Obviously if there’s something important, you should bring it up.  Just don’t do it the moment he walks through the door.  With this, timing is everything.  Also, with this peaceful environment it makes talking about these things much easier.

Make your husband happy to come home… make him want to come home!  So many women complain about how their husbands are always working late.  They should take a step back and look at what he may be coming home too, it could very easily explain why he chooses to work extra hours rather than come home on time.  Doing these simple things can really make such a difference in your home environment and your marriage.  Besides your husband feeling happy and relieved when he comes home, you will find that you too feel satisfaction from what you’ve done.  You’ve created a sanctuary for your husband and yourself.  You will feel accomplished and proud that you are able to make your husband so happy, and make your home a place he wants to be.

352436_1

For those of you that don’t do this, I challenge you to try it!  See the difference it will make in your lives!  See the difference in the way your husband acts when he comes home, and even the way he treats you.  You are showing him how much you truly care about him by making something so simple, such as him coming home from work, so important to you.  He will see the effort you are putting forth, and you will be rewarded in so many ways.

Living a Selfless Life

That’s what it’s all really about, living a selfless life.  All the posts I write about being submissive, being a mother, being a housewife, the common theme is that you put your families needs before your own.  You may think to yourself “Well, I do that all the time!  I’m always doing things for them!”  But when it comes down to it, are you really?  Are you doing things without asking for or expecting anything in return?  Are you truly living selflessly?

1950s HOUSEWIFE IN KITCHEN HAVING HUSBAND TASTE FOOD ON STOVE

My husbands needs, wants, etc. are met before anyone else’s.  There’s no question about it. He knows it.  I know it.  The children know it.  He is the head of the household, and he is cared for first.  Please don’t take that to the extreme, it’s a general statement.  If a child is injured, sick, crying, etc. obviously they have to be tended to first at that moment.  We are reasonable, logical, caring people, but there is definite order within our household.  I’ve used this analogy before, but I believe it is so accurate.  A Fortune 500 company doesn’t have two CEO’s or two Presidents, they have one.  One person that is in charge and has the final say.  It doesn’t mean that the rest of the employees or board members aren’t heard or aren’t important, but there is one person that makes the final decision about things.  That is what makes these companies run smoothly and successfully.  The same works for a family.  Think of your husband as the CEO or President, you can be the VP.  You are still very important with a role that is essential to the company being successful and running smoothly.  The company couldn’t run with just the President, he needs the VP there too.

By being able to step down and let your husband take the role that comes naturally to him, you are truly doing your family a favor.  You are benefiting everyone, including yourself.  A wife and mother have endless responsibilities as it is tending to the house and children, let your husband be in charge and make the tough decisions for you… let him alleviate some of that stress for you!  Not only does it benefit you, but it benefits him.  Taking this role is what is natural to him, and you will see him become more loving and comfortable in his role, you will see him succeed because this is what he was born to do.  Your children will benefit because they see a strong leader and a loving relationship between their parents, and it will really influence them in a positive way by setting good standards and morals.  The family was meant to function a certain way, and doing so will make it successful.  So why have we strayed so far from a method that works?

50swife4

In my opinion, it’s about personal wants and needs.  To say it bluntly, selfishness.  A mother, instead of spending time with her young child and raising them herself, brings them to a nanny or daycare so she can take on a career in an office setting.  Who is this benefiting?  Definitely not the child(ren).  The child(ren) wants to be with their mother.  But the mother chooses a career instead of motherhood.  This is most definitely not living selflessly.  And many times mothers that are working are not able to take on the wifely role at home either.  This is not good for a marriage as the husband is now forced to take on many “wifely duties” in order to help out.  It is unnatural, and will likely cause strain within a marriage.  The wife is upset because she feels the husband should help out more, and the husband is upset because he feels the wife needs to be responsible for her duties as a wife.

Did you know only 29% of women choose to be stay at home mothers?  I understand of course that some women don’t have a choice, they may be single mothers or the family cannot afford for her to not work.  That is a different situation.  But when a woman has the choice, why would she choose to spend time in an office instead of with her children?  This is something I will never truly understand.

So I urge you all, take a step back and look at your family dynamics.  Are you allowing your husband and yourself to take on your natural roles?  If not, make a change, it’s never too late.  You will see such improvement and happiness in your lives!

“You’re so lucky!”

“You’re so lucky!”

This was the reaction I received when chatting with another woman about how much my husband works. Mind you, I was not complaining about it. I was explaining how much I admire his dedication to what he does. His ability to always put others first no matter what sacrifices he has to make at times. He is the most hardworking man I have ever met.

I sat back for a few seconds trying to process things, trying to understand why she would say such a thing. She continued on…

“I wish my husband would work that much. I’d definitely have a few less grey hairs and wrinkles around my eyes.”

I am very non-confrontational, so I kept my true feelings and what I really wanted to say inside, and answered her with a smile. I wanted to ask her “well then why on earth did you marry him if you don’t like to be around him?”, but instead I said nothing. A smile says enough. As you can imagine this conversation came to a close rather quickly after that, and I went on with my day. But my mind kept going over this conversation, and it really made me think about something that sadly seems to be very common.

IMG_0050

Why are women constantly bad-mouthing their husbands?

This is something that happens way too often. When a group of women get together, it seems like the conversation more than not very quickly turns into a husband bashing party. Is it cool? Is it meant to be funny? Is it being done because others are doing it? What is the point?

I understand that we all need to vent sometimes, to get something off our chest. It can sometimes be therapeutic, but I think it needs to be done in the appropriate way, place, and time.

If you’ve spent the afternoon with your girlfriend complaining about your husbands together, the moment he walks through that door when he gets home from work you’re going to already have a negative attitude toward him, when he hasn’t done a thing but come home! All these negative thoughts will have been stirring around your mind, and he’s not going to receive the love and respect he deserves when he comes home after a long day at work.

Complaining about your husband is not going to get you anywhere but into an unnecessary argument later.

I personally can’t stand when a woman complains about her husband. I think it makes her look bad and classless. Respecting your husband definitely does not include bad mouthing him to others. I am also a person who believes that you should not complain about something unless you’re going to do something about it, otherwise it just sounds like whining. If you have something that is bothering you and you just want to get it off your chest and then move on, that’s fine! I completely understand. But I would not sit there going back and forth competing to see who’s husband does worse or more annoying things. Another way to do this appropriately is if you are asking for advice. If you want to see if I’ve experienced something similar or would like my opinion on how to handle or approach something, I am more than happy to listen and share with you. Besides these examples, there’s really no other time I find it appropriate to say something negative about your husband. How would you feel if the situation were reversed?

Ladies, the bottom line is respect your husband, love him with all his faults just as he does for you. If you’re with friends and they get into “husband bashing mode”, remove yourself from the conversation. You will definitely send a message and hopefully make the other women think twice about what they are doing. We must always love, cherish, and give our husbands the respect they deserve.

IMG_0051.JPG

Zip it!

image

I’ve learned that sometimes we just need to zip our lips!   Obviously as women this can be especially difficult sometimes,  but it’s amazing what saying nothing can actually do.

At the end of the day, what did you accomplish by getting the last word in, or making some snippy comment, or making sure that your opinion was heard?  Did you really gain anything?  Chances are you didnt, and if you did it was likely an argument and an upset husband. Why is it that we are so intent on doing some of these behaviors?  Perhaps this is how your mother was, or maybe how the people around you are. It could be a number of things. The good news is, behaviors can be changed!

For example, a few days ago I was meeting my husband for lunch with the children. He ended up being held up longer than expected at work, so he asked me to order food. Now, from his text message I thought he just wanted me to order the kids food, and we would order our food when he arrived. This was not what he meant, he wanted me to order all of the food hoping it would be ready by the time he got there. Well when he arrived the kids were the only ones with plates in front of them. He was immediately irritated, already being stressed out from work. He questioned why I hadn’t ordered all of the food, and I answered by telling him his text message inferred he just wanted me to order the kids food. To try to prove my point further, I proceeded to take out my cell phone, show him the text, and explain my side of the story.

What did I gain from this?  An irritated husband and a very quiet lunch. If I would have just apologized for misunderstanding and tracked down the waitress to get our order in ASAP we would have had the enjoyable lunch we originally planned. Instead, I had to make something of it and prove myself to be right. I should have just zipped my lips!

Obviously this is just one example, but I’m sure we have all been guilty of this at one time or another. On top of everything,  I was not showing my husband any respect by doing this to him. It was as though I was trying to be little him. This goes completely against the ways of a retro housewife. We should always shown our husband’s the upmost respect, not questioning them, and never trying to prove something.

Also, the fact that the children were there may give them the impression that it’s OK to question daddy or try to prove him wrong. Children truly do pay so much attention to us, mocking us and following our examples. We must always be careful what example it is we are setting.

I challenge us all to really think before we speak!  Take a moment to think what the point of what you are about to say really is. Are you trying to prove something?   Is it really necessary?  Am I respecting my husband?

Accepting & Adapting

Woman scolding man at dining table

 

I think one the biggest problems in relationships are women trying to change their husbands. What is more insulting? By doing this a woman is basically saying you’re not good enough the way you are, and I think I know better than you, and am going to try to mold you into the man I want you to be. Besides being insulting, this is unbelievably selfish. It is insulting to the husband by making him feel inadequate as well as insulting his intelligence. There are plenty of things husbands would love to change about their wives, but we almost never see them trying to change them.

For example, in our closet we have a long built in dresser in the middle. It is a very large walk in closet. When my husband goes in there to change, instead of walking a few feet and putting his clothes in the hamper he always leaves them on top of this dresser. At first it use to drive me crazy. I couldn’t understand why he couldn’t just take a few steps and put the clothes in the hamper! Instead of making a big fuss about it, I accepted it and adapted. I know that he is going to leave his clothes there, so it just add it to my list of things to do. I don’t let it bother me, it’s just something that he does and is going to keep doing, and I accept that.

Obviously that is pretty minor, but I think it’s when all the little things add up it starts to get to you. You must learn to accept and adapt! Instead of trying to change what he is doing, expect him to do it and change yourself to deal with it, change the way you handle the situation.

We all have flaws, more than we would like to admit. Instead of focusing on them and changing them, why not accept them and cherish them. Realize these “flaws” are part of what makes us individuals and unique.  We are not here to be our husbands second mother.  In fact, all that does is cause them to resent their wife.  Sometimes a man will do something out of spite.  If you are constantly nagging your husband about something, chances are he’s going to start tuning you out and not do it.  Try the opposite and see what happens.  If you aren’t sitting there nagging him about something constantly he may take care of whatever it is you’ve been nagging him about on his own.

So remember ladies, you must accept and adapt!  Love every inch and every flaw of your husband, that’s what makes him special.  And in return, I can just about promise you will see a man who will love you back in the same way.