Living a Selfless Life

That’s what it’s all really about, living a selfless life.  All the posts I write about being submissive, being a mother, being a housewife, the common theme is that you put your families needs before your own.  You may think to yourself “Well, I do that all the time!  I’m always doing things for them!”  But when it comes down to it, are you really?  Are you doing things without asking for or expecting anything in return?  Are you truly living selflessly?

1950s HOUSEWIFE IN KITCHEN HAVING HUSBAND TASTE FOOD ON STOVE

My husbands needs, wants, etc. are met before anyone else’s.  There’s no question about it. He knows it.  I know it.  The children know it.  He is the head of the household, and he is cared for first.  Please don’t take that to the extreme, it’s a general statement.  If a child is injured, sick, crying, etc. obviously they have to be tended to first at that moment.  We are reasonable, logical, caring people, but there is definite order within our household.  I’ve used this analogy before, but I believe it is so accurate.  A Fortune 500 company doesn’t have two CEO’s or two Presidents, they have one.  One person that is in charge and has the final say.  It doesn’t mean that the rest of the employees or board members aren’t heard or aren’t important, but there is one person that makes the final decision about things.  That is what makes these companies run smoothly and successfully.  The same works for a family.  Think of your husband as the CEO or President, you can be the VP.  You are still very important with a role that is essential to the company being successful and running smoothly.  The company couldn’t run with just the President, he needs the VP there too.

By being able to step down and let your husband take the role that comes naturally to him, you are truly doing your family a favor.  You are benefiting everyone, including yourself.  A wife and mother have endless responsibilities as it is tending to the house and children, let your husband be in charge and make the tough decisions for you… let him alleviate some of that stress for you!  Not only does it benefit you, but it benefits him.  Taking this role is what is natural to him, and you will see him become more loving and comfortable in his role, you will see him succeed because this is what he was born to do.  Your children will benefit because they see a strong leader and a loving relationship between their parents, and it will really influence them in a positive way by setting good standards and morals.  The family was meant to function a certain way, and doing so will make it successful.  So why have we strayed so far from a method that works?

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In my opinion, it’s about personal wants and needs.  To say it bluntly, selfishness.  A mother, instead of spending time with her young child and raising them herself, brings them to a nanny or daycare so she can take on a career in an office setting.  Who is this benefiting?  Definitely not the child(ren).  The child(ren) wants to be with their mother.  But the mother chooses a career instead of motherhood.  This is most definitely not living selflessly.  And many times mothers that are working are not able to take on the wifely role at home either.  This is not good for a marriage as the husband is now forced to take on many “wifely duties” in order to help out.  It is unnatural, and will likely cause strain within a marriage.  The wife is upset because she feels the husband should help out more, and the husband is upset because he feels the wife needs to be responsible for her duties as a wife.

Did you know only 29% of women choose to be stay at home mothers?  I understand of course that some women don’t have a choice, they may be single mothers or the family cannot afford for her to not work.  That is a different situation.  But when a woman has the choice, why would she choose to spend time in an office instead of with her children?  This is something I will never truly understand.

So I urge you all, take a step back and look at your family dynamics.  Are you allowing your husband and yourself to take on your natural roles?  If not, make a change, it’s never too late.  You will see such improvement and happiness in your lives!

Are you treating your man like a real man?

As women, there are a few things we need to hear now again to feel good about ourselves. We need to be told we are attractive, appreciated, and loved. Sure it may vary for some women, but those are the basics. We need to be reassured of these things every now and again to feel confident. Sometimes we forget, however, that men need reassurance and compliments too!  Being told how beautiful we look is equivalent to a woman making a man feel masculine. We need to be sure we are making our man feel like a mans man!

It can be something as simple as having him open the tough lid to a jar, lifting a heavy object, or having him kill that awful disgusting spider you found crawling on the wall. Telling him how you admire his muscles or that you think his beard makes him look so handsome. A man needs to be made felt like a man! One of the worst things you can do is insult his masculinity.

Women need to be made felt loved, a man needs to be made felt admired.

Besides the obvious ways as stated above, there are several other ways you can make your husband feel like the amazing man he is!

– Actions & Words In Public

When your husband is speaking, make sure to look at him and truly listen to what he is saying. I remember watching a documentary about Marilyn Monroe, and I loved watching her when her then husband Arthur Miller would talk. Her eyes would be glued to him, and she would look at him with such admiration. You could tell how much she loved him and admired his intellect. Always support what he is saying, even if you don’t agree. Challenging him in public is not only incredibly disrespectful and humiliating to your husband, it makes the rest of the group uncomfortable. Disagreements should ALWAYS be in private. Compliment him or tell the group about something he’s recently accomplished or something nice he’s done for you. Obviously you don’t want to say anything obnoxious or something that might embarrass him.

– Protection

It is a man’s natural instinct to want to protect his children and the woman he loves. Have you ever seen what a little boy does if someone says something bad about their mother?  This instinct to protect starts at a very young age. If you feel scared express it to him and let him protect you and make you feel secure. Hold his arm when you’re walking, let him know that him being there with you makes you feel safe!

– Freedom & Alone Time

You do not need to know where he is and what he is doing every second of the day. I think cell phones and social media make us feel entitled to this.  Give him privacy!  You do not need to know his every action.  Give him freedom.  If he comes home late don’t badger and nag him about it.  In fact, don’t say anything about it at all.  If he wants to talk about where he was or what he was doing, he will tell you.  By giving him this freedom and showing him your trust, over time I can bet that he will start telling you where he is or won’t come home late at all.  Also, remember that men need alone time.  I think as women we enjoy being around others so much that we forget men need some time to themselves, especially if he has been working all day.  If he comes home and goes straight into the office let him have some time in there to relax and be by himself.  Give him some quiet time!

– Let Him Lead

Men were born to lead.  It’s in their blood.  Let him do what he was born to do!  Let him be the leader of the family.  Support his decisions, trust in his decisions, especially in front of your children.  If you show him respect and obedience, your children will do the same.  It’s so important to set a good example.

 

Obviously I’ve only given a few suggestions, and there are so many more wonderful ways to show your man how much you admire him, show him that he is the man God made him to be.  Like all things, this may take some time.  At first it may even feel awkward or uncomfortable for you, and it may take a lot of effort.  But it will surely pay off.  You will see your husband truly shine because of your efforts.  You will give him such confidence and reassurance in his role as a man.

 

The Good Wife’s Guide

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Most of us have either heard about or seen the good wife’s guide that was published in Good Housekeeping in May of 1955.  What is unfortunate is what a negative response it has received.  Most women are literally repulsed reading this.

I am not one of those women.  I for one think this guide is excellent and something that more women should do.  When you really look at it, what on earth is so bad about it?  I think it has to do with women being selfish, never wanting to do anything unless they get something in return.  We have lost the art of selflessness.

The first few rules discuss preparation for your husband coming home.  Make sure dinner is made, or on the stove, freshen up your hair and makeup, be in a good, positive mood, check over the house to make sure it is clean and organized, make sure the house is at a comfortable temperature, quite down the kids and make sure they look nice as well, and lastly have his favorite drink ready for him.

Are these things so much to ask?  Are they really that hard to do?  Not at all.  It’s the least you can do for a husband that works so hard to provide for you and your family.  He spends countless hours working dealing with non-stop stress.  His home should be his sanctuary.  Why wouldn’t you want it to be that way for him?  Wouldn’t it be wonderful for him to not be able to wait to come home knowing what is waiting for him?

The next set of rules discuss what you should do once he’s arrived.  Great him with a smile, don’t bombard him with whatever issues you dealt with that day, let him sit down and relax, remove his shoes, rub his feet or shoulders, don’t question him if he comes home late or misses dinner.  And most importantly, remember that a good wife always knows her place.

If your husband has been at work all day, the last thing he wants to deal with is coming home and his wife right off the bat complaining about all the things that went wrong in her day.  He doesn’t want you playing 20 questions about what he did or where he was.  He wants to come home to some peace and quiet, something he didn’t get to experience at work all day long.  If he wants to talk about his day, he will.  If he wants to just sit in silence, respect that.  Don’t nag, don’t pick at him.  Let him relax!

I believe that The Good Wife’s Guide is not outdated like many claim to it to be.  It isn’t degrading or any of those things.  It’s a very straight forward way that explains how a woman should care for her husband.  I just hate the fact that doing this is looked so down upon.  Why should a woman be ridiculed for putting her husbands needs before her own?  What is so wrong in that?

My Unpopular Opinions

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Not everyone agrees with my views. In fact, most people don’t. I consider myself to be in the small percentage of women today that love being a true woman. I am proud to be a homemaker, I love it, and there’s no other job I’d rather do. I love taking care of my family. I enjoy cleaning and organizing, cooking, arts & crafts, decorating, etc.  I also love fitness, I hike, run, do yoga, and even ballet. I am a shopping addict and love to incorporate a retro housewife style into my everyday wardrobe.

I realize homemaking is not for everyone. There are some women that would be truly miserable doing this job, and that’s fine. Some women aren’t able to because of financial reasons, I understand that and obviously you must support your family first.  You have to so what works best for you and your family.  However, I believe that the art of homemaking is being lost more and more through the generations, and I hope there are enough of us out there to keep it alive!  I do believe that God created women for this role in particular.  It’s natural for a woman to nurture and love.  Our hands are small and petite to be able to sew and clean even the smallest of areas.

I also believe that a wife should submit to her husband.

Ephesians 5:22-24

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

1 Peter 3:1-7

Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct. Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands

Titus 2:5

To be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.

I think that his belief if mine is probably one of the least popular among women today.  The thought of submitting to your husband makes most women cringe.  When on earth did we become so proud?  I think of it like this, a woman has no problem submitting to her boss at work.  He tells her what to do and she doesn’t think twice about doing it.  She shows her boss respect, doesn’t talk back or down, doesn’t nag, etc.  Doesn’t question his authority.  Why?  Because if she did so she would lose her job.  But what about at home?  Many wives have no problem doing the exact opposite to their own husbands.  They nag, talk down, and disrespect over and over again.  Why?  Do they not fear losing their marriage like they do their job?  When did a boss at work deserve to be treated better than the man you married?  The man you chose to spend the rest of your life with!

As women, we can show our love and devotion to God by treating submitting to our husbands as we do to the Lord.  Is it easy?  Most definitely not.  None of us our perfect.  There are times when I lose my cool, talk back, storm off, etc., and I always end up regretting it about two seconds later.  I think to myself, how could I have behaved like that?  How could I have spoke to the man I love so much in that way?

Now trust me, I wasn’t always this way.  I didn’t always believe this.  A few years ago I was one of those women laughing and looking down at the thought of being a submissive housewife.  For those of you that are ready to change, get a fresh start, and improve your life, here are a few books I highly recommend that talk about this type of lifestyle.

The Total Woman by Marabel Morgan

Found here on Amazon

The Surrendered Wife by Laura Doyle

Found here on Amazon

Fascinating Womanhood by Helen Andelin

Found here on Amazon

The Good Wife’s Guide by Darlene Schacht

Found here on Amazon

I’m so glad that you have found my blog!  I will be posting often about homemaking, cooking, and everyday life.