New Year, New You!

 

I always think of the new year as a chance for a fresh start.  The bad habits and things I didn’t do well before… this is a chance to make improvements on all of them!  I’m not one for new years resolutions.  I don’t believe that you should just decide to improve one part of your life.  Why not work on improving all of it?

For the new year, get a journal or a notebook.  Begin by writing down all of the things you want to do better.  Maybe it’s learn new recipes, do a better job at sticking to your cleaning schedule, or take better care of your husband.  Your list can be two things or fifty things.  It’s all up to you.

Once you’ve really looked at things and made your list, continue to journal about what you can do to make these improvements.  Are you going to look up local cooking classes to improve your cooking skills?  Are you going to take a sewing or a French class at the local college?  Maybe you are going to start meditating or doing yoga to help you keep calm and patient.  Be specific about what you plan on doing in order to make the improvements in your life.

Continue to journal throughout the year on your progress.  It’s amazing, after a few months you can go back and read from the beginning and see what leaps and bounds you have made.

I wish you all a wonderful and improved 2015!

Greeting Your Husband Properly

I know I have touched on this topic before, but the way that you greet your husband when he comes home from work can have a huge impact on your relationship, whether you realize it or not.  It is so much more meaningful than we give credit.

Scenario 1-

Your husband is coming home from a long, stressful day at work.  He’s worn out and tired, and there’s nothing more he would like than to come home to his lovely wife and children; his sanctuary.  Instead, he comes home to chaos.  The children are running around the house making lots of noise, there’s a pile of dishes in the sink, there are toys scattered about, dinner isn’t even close to being ready, and his wife looks stressed out and disheveled. No one even hears him come through the door.  He realizes all he really wants to do is walk right back out that door, and go have a drink at a nearby bar.

Scenario 2-

Your husband is driving home from a long, stressful day at work.  He’s exhausted and tired, and he can’t wait to be home with his lovely wife and children.  He walks through the door, the house is spotless and the aroma of dinner fills his nose.  His wife greets him looking fresh faced and lovely, carrying his favorite drink in her hand.  The children are calm and lovely as well, and greet him with longing hugs and kisses.  His favorite genre of music is playing softly throughout the house.  Everything is wonderful and perfect.  He is so happy to finally be home with his family; he is truly in his sanctuary.

Which husband is trying to leave work early, and which one seems to always have to work late?  Make your home a place that your husband counts down the minutes to come home to.

15-20 minutes before your husband comes home, you should freshen yourself up.  Powder your face, brush your hair, sprtiz on some perfume.  Make sure you don’t look tired or stressed out, you should look fresh faced and happy to see him.  Don’t greet him in sweatpants and house slippers!  Put on a nice housedress or outfit that he likes you in.  You’ll want to do the same for your children.  Make sure they’re in clean clothes and have clean faces.  If your children eat dinner separately from you and your husband, they should already be fed and the dishes cleaned or in the dishwasher.  The entire kitchen should be cleaned except for whatever you’re using for you and your husbands dinner.  In fact, the whole house should be clean.  There shouldn’t be any clutter lying around.  Everything should be neat and tidy and in its place, all surfaces should be wiped down.  The house should smell clean and fresh, but not of cleaning products.  You should also greet him with a drink when he comes home.  This doesn’t necessarily mean alcoholic, maybe when he gets home he would like nothing more than some fresh squeezed lemonade or ice water.  If you don’t know, ask him!  My husband loves the classic tunes of Dean Martin and Frank Sinatra, so I make sure before he comes home that it is playing on the stereo in the house.  iTunes radio or Pandora are wonderful to have your husbands favorite music playing when he comes home!  You also want to know what time he wants dinner.  I know some men want to come home to dinner ready on the table, while others prefer to relax for a while before eating.  You know your husband better than anyone else, so you know what you need to do in order to meet his needs.  And if you don’t know, ask!  How many of you have actually ever asked your husband what he would like when he comes home?

This is not only good for your husband, it is good for you and your entire family as well.  The entire atmosphere of your home is different when you put these things into practice.  You will eliminate stress as you will have everything prepared by the time he gets home.  If you’re using your schedule, you should have no problem getting everything done.  You will also enjoy the extra time you have together.  Instead of there being chaos trying to finish cleaning and putting dinner on the table, these things will be already taken care of.  You can enjoy watching a favorite TV show or movie together before bed.  Your quality time together will increase.  He will also be in a much better mood when he gets home, which definitely puts the entire family at ease.  Everyone is happy to see each other, and there is minimal stress and tension.  It will make you feel so good knowing that you created this!

The bottom line is that he should be coming home to peacefulness.  He should be coming home to a place full of joy and love, a place where he can unwind and relax after a hard days work.  Let him start the conversation for the evening, you should never bother him with problems or your day right when he gets home.  If he’s around people all day, he really might just want some peace and quiet, or maybe even a little time alone.  He may just want to enjoy your company, minus the conversation.  You should try your best to respect this and look at things from his point of view.  Obviously if there’s something important, you should bring it up.  Just don’t do it the moment he walks through the door.  With this, timing is everything.  Also, with this peaceful environment it makes talking about these things much easier.

Make your husband happy to come home… make him want to come home!  So many women complain about how their husbands are always working late.  They should take a step back and look at what he may be coming home too, it could very easily explain why he chooses to work extra hours rather than come home on time.  Doing these simple things can really make such a difference in your home environment and your marriage.  Besides your husband feeling happy and relieved when he comes home, you will find that you too feel satisfaction from what you’ve done.  You’ve created a sanctuary for your husband and yourself.  You will feel accomplished and proud that you are able to make your husband so happy, and make your home a place he wants to be.

For those of you that don’t do this, I challenge you to try it!  See the difference it will make in your lives!  See the difference in the way your husband acts when he comes home, and even the way he treats you.  You are showing him how much you truly care about him by making something so simple, such as him coming home from work, so important to you.  He will see the effort you are putting forth, and you will be rewarded in so many ways.

Hello Fresh – Review & Discount Code!

I love to cook.  I love trying new foods, learning about new ingredients, and best of all, seeing the smiles on my family’s faces as the enjoy the delicious meal I’ve just cooked for them.  Unfortunately, creating gourmet meals at home is incredibly time consuming and expensive.  You have to find the right recipe, get the sometimes impossible to find ingredients, make sure you get the freshest meats and produce, etc.  It can be a lot of work to put a great meal on the table!

Until now.

Hello Fresh makes putting a delicious meal on the table as easy as opening a box and following directions.  I’m able to have the freshest ingredients along with an easy to follow, step-by-step recipe delivered right to my doorstep!  Hello Fresh, where have you been all my life?

Hello Fresh is a weekly meal delivery service that you can have as often or not as you’d like.  It’s so simple, you go online and fill out your profile including dietary preferences, select how often you’d like your deliveries, and wait for that lovely box to arrive to your home.  That’s it!  No more meal planning or walking up and down the aisles at the grocery store trying to find what you need.  Hello Fresh delivers it all right to you, and the ingredients are even already portioned out for you!  The box is also insulated and full of ice packs, so if you’re not home right when the box arrives you don’t have to worry about ingredients spoiling.

I was lucky enough to get the opportunity to try out my very own HelloFresh box at home!

The first meal I made was the Creamy Penne w/ Chicken & Sun-Dired Tomatoes.  Here is the recipe card:

As you can see it lists all of the necessary ingredients, all of which were included in the box except for the olive oil.  I love that it also gives you the nutritional information!  On the backside of the card they give you step by step directions including pictures.  I promise you, even the most novice of cooks can follow the directions and end up with a delicious meal for your family.  The pasta was delicious!  It was very rich and flavorful, the kids kept stealing it off of our plates!

Next was the Caramelized Onion Shepherd’s Pie.  Here’s the recipe card:

I have to tell you I was very nervous about making this one.  My husband grew up eating Shepherd’s Pie, and his mother is an excellent cook.  I’ve never even tried to make it just for that reason, so I was really hoping that this would compare.  It ended up being a huge success, and he even asked that I start making it using this exact recipe!  Thank you Hello Fresh 🙂

The third meal I made was the Mustard Crusted Trout.  We eat a lot of fish in our house, so I was really excited to try a new fish recipe.  Here’s the recipe card:

Absolutely delicious!  The trout was very good quality and the flavors were excellent.  I will definitely be repeating this recipe again in the future.

 

With Hello Fresh, you are getting the “best of the best” ingredients.  Everything is local and farm fresh, and they even have an in-house dietician that approves all the meals.  Having professional chef’s design your meals also means you get to learn about new ingredients, as well cook new things you wouldn’t usually make at home.  As a housewife, it really helps relieve the stress of finding recipes, menu planning, and grocery shopping.  Sometimes I feel like I’m at the grocery store half the day by the time I’m done, so I’ll definitely be using Hello Fresh again.

Hello Fresh and myself want all the readers of The Retro Housewife Life to try their amazing service too… so they are offering 25% off your first order!  Use the code HELLORETRO at checkout.

 

* Disclaimer: I was given one free box from HelloFresh for this review.

Good Cop, Bad Cop

There are some days I lay my head down so exhausted.  I’ve felt like my entire day was filled of me saying “No!  Don’t!  Stop it!  Go to your room!”  Do you ever have days like that? … where you feel like all you’ve done all day is discipline?

As homemakers, we sometimes deal with the stigma of being “the mean one” or the “bad cop”.  We spend the day disciplining and teaching, making sure that our children grow up to be successful, responsible, respectful human beings, and some days require more of that than others.  What can make it difficult sometimes, is it seems the moment Dad walks through the door, all the bad behavior of the day is forgotten, and Daddy is home to save the day.  He’s the hero.  The children are so excited to see him, they drop whatever is in hand and run to the door with excitement.  And of course, daddy is beyond excited to see them as well after a long, hard day at work.  Meanwhile, we may be standing in the background exhausted and at our wit’s end.  And now that dad is home, the children only want to be with him, and we immediately become the bad guy.  All we’ve done all day is discipline.

It can feel really draining sometimes.  It can feel so unfair at times!  Why do I always have to be the bad guy?  Why must I be the one to constantly say no?!  Why don’t the children seem as excited to see me?

It took a long time for me to deal with this problem.  For a very long time it really wore me down, it made me feel like an awful mother, it made me want to give up on things.  It made me question everything.  Then one day I realized, somebody has to do it.  Do I want to be my children’s friend or their mother?  Do I care more about them liking me or about them growing up to be good people?  This, along with so many other things, comes along as part of the sacrifice.  They might think I’m the “mean one”, and that is okay.  I can deal with that because I know at the end of the day, I am doing the right thing, I am doing what is necessary.  I’m doing what I need to do as a mother and wife.

For some time this whole thing actually caused me to resent my husband at times.  I was mad at him, and for what?  I was being so unfair to him, and it was causing tension.  It was really awful.  Eventually I sat down and looked at the big picture.  How many hours a day do I spend with them, compared to the time he spends with them?  By the time he gets home sometimes they are already in their pajamas and getting ready for bed.  So guess what, if that one hour of that day he gets to spend with them he gets to be the good guy, he deserves it.  He shouldn’t have to spend his limited time with the children disciplining them.  That is my job.  That is the responsibility I hold by being a homemaker.  It’s one more thing to add to the list of what truly makes this job difficult sometimes, one of the things other people don’t even think about.

If you are currently in the situation I was once in, I encourage you to take a step back.  Take a deep breath and look at the big picture.  Realize that this is all part of being a stay at home mother, it comes along with the job.  Besides that, things will get better!  Children will get older and things will change.  Make sure you are taking at least a little time out of your day to do something for yourself.  Keep your head up and stay positive!

Living a Selfless Life

That’s what it’s all really about, living a selfless life.  All the posts I write about being submissive, being a mother, being a housewife, the common theme is that you put your families needs before your own.  You may think to yourself “Well, I do that all the time!  I’m always doing things for them!”  But when it comes down to it, are you really?  Are you doing things without asking for or expecting anything in return?  Are you truly living selflessly?

My husbands needs, wants, etc. are met before anyone else’s.  There’s no question about it. He knows it.  I know it.  The children know it.  He is the head of the household, and he is cared for first.  Please don’t take that to the extreme, it’s a general statement.  If a child is injured, sick, crying, etc. obviously they have to be tended to first at that moment.  We are reasonable, logical, caring people, but there is definite order within our household.  I’ve used this analogy before, but I believe it is so accurate.  A Fortune 500 company doesn’t have two CEO’s or two Presidents, they have one.  One person that is in charge and has the final say.  It doesn’t mean that the rest of the employees or board members aren’t heard or aren’t important, but there is one person that makes the final decision about things.  That is what makes these companies run smoothly and successfully.  The same works for a family.  Think of your husband as the CEO or President, you can be the VP.  You are still very important with a role that is essential to the company being successful and running smoothly.  The company couldn’t run with just the President, he needs the VP there too.

By being able to step down and let your husband take the role that comes naturally to him, you are truly doing your family a favor.  You are benefiting everyone, including yourself.  A wife and mother have endless responsibilities as it is tending to the house and children, let your husband be in charge and make the tough decisions for you… let him alleviate some of that stress for you!  Not only does it benefit you, but it benefits him.  Taking this role is what is natural to him, and you will see him become more loving and comfortable in his role, you will see him succeed because this is what he was born to do.  Your children will benefit because they see a strong leader and a loving relationship between their parents, and it will really influence them in a positive way by setting good standards and morals.  The family was meant to function a certain way, and doing so will make it successful.  So why have we strayed so far from a method that works?

In my opinion, it’s about personal wants and needs.  To say it bluntly, selfishness.  A mother, instead of spending time with her young child and raising them herself, brings them to a nanny or daycare so she can take on a career in an office setting.  Who is this benefiting?  Definitely not the child(ren).  The child(ren) wants to be with their mother.  But the mother chooses a career instead of motherhood.  This is most definitely not living selflessly.  And many times mothers that are working are not able to take on the wifely role at home either.  This is not good for a marriage as the husband is now forced to take on many “wifely duties” in order to help out.  It is unnatural, and will likely cause strain within a marriage.  The wife is upset because she feels the husband should help out more, and the husband is upset because he feels the wife needs to be responsible for her duties as a wife.

Did you know only 29% of women choose to be stay at home mothers?  I understand of course that some women don’t have a choice, they may be single mothers or the family cannot afford for her to not work.  That is a different situation.  But when a woman has the choice, why would she choose to spend time in an office instead of with her children?  This is something I will never truly understand.

So I urge you all, take a step back and look at your family dynamics.  Are you allowing your husband and yourself to take on your natural roles?  If not, make a change, it’s never too late.  You will see such improvement and happiness in your lives!

“You’re so lucky!”

“You’re so lucky!”

This was the reaction I received when chatting with another woman about how much my husband works. Mind you, I was not complaining about it. I was explaining how much I admire his dedication to what he does. His ability to always put others first no matter what sacrifices he has to make at times. He is the most hardworking man I have ever met.

I sat back for a few seconds trying to process things, trying to understand why she would say such a thing. She continued on…

“I wish my husband would work that much. I’d definitely have a few less grey hairs and wrinkles around my eyes.”

I am very non-confrontational, so I kept my true feelings and what I really wanted to say inside, and answered her with a smile. I wanted to ask her “well then why on earth did you marry him if you don’t like to be around him?”, but instead I said nothing. A smile says enough. As you can imagine this conversation came to a close rather quickly after that, and I went on with my day. But my mind kept going over this conversation, and it really made me think about something that sadly seems to be very common.

Why are women constantly bad-mouthing their husbands?

This is something that happens way too often. When a group of women get together, it seems like the conversation more than not very quickly turns into a husband bashing party. Is it cool? Is it meant to be funny? Is it being done because others are doing it? What is the point?

I understand that we all need to vent sometimes, to get something off our chest. It can sometimes be therapeutic, but I think it needs to be done in the appropriate way, place, and time.

If you’ve spent the afternoon with your girlfriend complaining about your husbands together, the moment he walks through that door when he gets home from work you’re going to already have a negative attitude toward him, when he hasn’t done a thing but come home! All these negative thoughts will have been stirring around your mind, and he’s not going to receive the love and respect he deserves when he comes home after a long day at work.

Complaining about your husband is not going to get you anywhere but into an unnecessary argument later.

I personally can’t stand when a woman complains about her husband. I think it makes her look bad and classless. Respecting your husband definitely does not include bad mouthing him to others. I am also a person who believes that you should not complain about something unless you’re going to do something about it, otherwise it just sounds like whining. If you have something that is bothering you and you just want to get it off your chest and then move on, that’s fine! I completely understand. But I would not sit there going back and forth competing to see who’s husband does worse or more annoying things. Another way to do this appropriately is if you are asking for advice. If you want to see if I’ve experienced something similar or would like my opinion on how to handle or approach something, I am more than happy to listen and share with you. Besides these examples, there’s really no other time I find it appropriate to say something negative about your husband. How would you feel if the situation were reversed?

Ladies, the bottom line is respect your husband, love him with all his faults just as he does for you. If you’re with friends and they get into “husband bashing mode”, remove yourself from the conversation. You will definitely send a message and hopefully make the other women think twice about what they are doing. We must always love, cherish, and give our husbands the respect they deserve.

Is this really what it’s come to?

I recently read an article called “25 ways you know you’re a stay at home mom“.  Several people on Facebook were sharing it, so I thought it would be a fun read.  Let me start out by saying that I do have a sense of humor, I really do!

1. You’re kids ask where you’re going when you put on jeans.

2. At least half of your meals consist of your child’s leftovers.

3. When your husband asks, “What did you do today?” you can’t muster up a single thing to report, despite feeling like you’ve been put the spin cycle of the washing machine.

4. You can clean your entire house with a package of baby wipes.

5. A “night out” is roaming the isles of Target alone.

6. The TV has been on all day, but you have no idea what’s happening in world news.

7. Showering is a major accomplishment.

8. Your kids see you naked more often than your husband.

9. You actually knows what the fox says, or what it could say at least, because 50% of your time is making animal sounds.

10. Your mood depends solely on the amount of time your child napped for.

11. Putting a bra on means someone special is coming over.

12. On the way out the door, you look down at your kids crusty food on your shirt and think to yourself, eh, it’s not that bad.  Or worse, you pick it off and actually taste it.

13. You fake stomach problems once your husband gets home just so you can go to the bathroom alone.

14. Your dog barks when you put “real” shoes on.

15. You have invited Jehovah Witnesses in on more than one occasion, and scared them off after you asked if they’d like a dirty martini.

16. You have to check the weather out before you head out because you have no idea how warm or cold it is because you haven’t been out in days.

17. You consider going on Facebook “spending time with your friends”.

18. You’ve been wearing the same outfit for a couple of days in a row… and you’re not sure how many “a couple” means.

19. You’ve contemplated performing your own hysterectomy while preparing dinner … more than once.

20. Your vacuum cleaner is a permanent fixture in (insert busiest room in the house) and hasn’t been unplugged for three months.

21. You have no idea what date or day of the week it is, but you can tell what time it is just by what cartoon is on TV.

22. It’s only 9 am and you’ve already though “I need a drink”.

23. You’re nursing an infant on the toilet while simultaneously scheduling a doctors appointment.

24. The cup of coffee you are drinking at lunch is the cup you made at 5:30 am, just reheated for the 100th time.

25. You don’t want to go to bed at night because the silence is just to beautiful, no matter how tired you are.

 

I think I would find this to be a lot funnier if it weren’t so close to the truth!  There were countless comments on this article saying things like “oh my gosh this is so me!”  “haha I can totally relate!”  and other things of that nature.  It’s sort of like if another person pokes fun at you about something that’s a sensitive subject, it’s meant to be funny but in the end, it really isn’t.  This list of things is what homemakers and stay at home moms have become.  And this is why society no longer views a homemaker as a sacred and honorable position.  We are blessed with gadgets and technology that help us in countless ways, we don’t have to do our laundry in a bucket with a washboard, we don’t even have to clean dishes by hand!  But this sure doesn’t mean that we should be lazy because of these luxuries.  Unless you are ill, there’s no reason you shouldn’t get up and get yourself ready every single morning.  There’s no reason to be walking around in yoga or sweat pants and an old t-shirt with your hair sloppily pinned on top of your head.  There’s no reason you shouldn’t put on a little mascara and cover your blemishes.  When has it become acceptable to look like complete slobs?

Just this morning I went to the grocery store and saw a woman there that literally looked like she had just rolled out of bed.  As if she had thrown the covers off, slipped on some shoes, and drove to the grocery store.  Why do women no longer seem to take pride in their appearance?

I believe that being a homemaker is what you make of it.  If you want to sit around like a bum, lounging on the couch walking TV, your home and family life are going to reflect that.  Do you truly believe your husband is going to be happy coming home to that?  Do you think the women he works with show up to work looking like they just rolled out of bed?  No.  They take the time to get ready and put themselves together.  Don’t be surprised if you notice your husband suddenly having longer hours at the office than before.

Why have we developed this attitude that staying home to take care of our families is a chore?  Have we forgotten what an absolute privilege it is?!  There are women out there actually choosing to sit behind a desk rather than be at home to take care of their children.  I feel beyond blessed given the opportunity to be a homemaker.  There is nothing else I could ever imagine myself doing and being this happy.  Are same days more difficult than others?  You bet!  Are there days when I lose my patience and feel like my children aren’t listening to a word I say?  Of course!  But guess what, that’s part of being a parent.

The bathroom one did make me laugh.  It’s good to know I’m not the only one who seems to have a constant companion in the bathroom!  Whether it’s the kids or the dog, a trip to the bathroom alone is rare.  Trust me, I could go on and on about each point in this article, but I think you all get the hint.

 

 

Like I said before, I think the author wrote this piece with the intention of making us laugh.  However, I think I would have been able to appreciate it a bit more if these things weren’t actually true for so many homemakers today.  I believe it is time for us to remember that we have the best job of all, and it pays much more than any amount of money ever could.  We need to be proud of being homemakers, and we need to show it!

1. Your kids ask where you are going when you put on jeans.

2. At least half of your meals consist of your child’s leftovers.

3. When your husband asks, “what did you do today?” you can’t muster up a single thing to report, despite feeling like you’ve been put through the spin cycle of the washing machine.

4. You can clean your entire house with a package of baby wipes.

5. A “night out” is roaming the aisles at Target alone.

– See more at: http://www.scarymommy.com/ways-you-know-youre-a-stay-at-home-mom/#sthash.EEEEl8Fm.dpuf

– See more at: http://www.scarymommy.com/ways-you-know-youre-a-stay-at-home-mom/#sthash.EEEEl8Fm.dpuf

Zip it!

I’ve learned that sometimes we just need to zip our lips!   Obviously as women this can be especially difficult sometimes,  but it’s amazing what saying nothing can actually do.

At the end of the day, what did you accomplish by getting the last word in, or making some snippy comment, or making sure that your opinion was heard?  Did you really gain anything?  Chances are you didnt, and if you did it was likely an argument and an upset husband. Why is it that we are so intent on doing some of these behaviors?  Perhaps this is how your mother was, or maybe how the people around you are. It could be a number of things. The good news is, behaviors can be changed!

For example, a few days ago I was meeting my husband for lunch with the children. He ended up being held up longer than expected at work, so he asked me to order food. Now, from his text message I thought he just wanted me to order the kids food, and we would order our food when he arrived. This was not what he meant, he wanted me to order all of the food hoping it would be ready by the time he got there. Well when he arrived the kids were the only ones with plates in front of them. He was immediately irritated, already being stressed out from work. He questioned why I hadn’t ordered all of the food, and I answered by telling him his text message inferred he just wanted me to order the kids food. To try to prove my point further, I proceeded to take out my cell phone, show him the text, and explain my side of the story.

What did I gain from this?  An irritated husband and a very quiet lunch. If I would have just apologized for misunderstanding and tracked down the waitress to get our order in ASAP we would have had the enjoyable lunch we originally planned. Instead, I had to make something of it and prove myself to be right. I should have just zipped my lips!

Obviously this is just one example, but I’m sure we have all been guilty of this at one time or another. On top of everything,  I was not showing my husband any respect by doing this to him. It was as though I was trying to be little him. This goes completely against the ways of a retro housewife. We should always shown our husband’s the upmost respect, not questioning them, and never trying to prove something.

Also, the fact that the children were there may give them the impression that it’s OK to question daddy or try to prove him wrong. Children truly do pay so much attention to us, mocking us and following our examples. We must always be careful what example it is we are setting.

I challenge us all to really think before we speak!  Take a moment to think what the point of what you are about to say really is. Are you trying to prove something?   Is it really necessary?  Am I respecting my husband?

Are you treating your man like a real man?

As women, there are a few things we need to hear now again to feel good about ourselves. We need to be told we are attractive, appreciated, and loved. Sure it may vary for some women, but those are the basics. We need to be reassured of these things every now and again to feel confident. Sometimes we forget, however, that men need reassurance and compliments too!  Being told how beautiful we look is equivalent to a woman making a man feel masculine. We need to be sure we are making our man feel like a mans man!

It can be something as simple as having him open the tough lid to a jar, lifting a heavy object, or having him kill that awful disgusting spider you found crawling on the wall. Telling him how you admire his muscles or that you think his beard makes him look so handsome. A man needs to be made felt like a man! One of the worst things you can do is insult his masculinity.

Women need to be made felt loved, a man needs to be made felt admired.

Besides the obvious ways as stated above, there are several other ways you can make your husband feel like the amazing man he is!

– Actions & Words In Public

When your husband is speaking, make sure to look at him and truly listen to what he is saying. I remember watching a documentary about Marilyn Monroe, and I loved watching her when her then husband Arthur Miller would talk. Her eyes would be glued to him, and she would look at him with such admiration. You could tell how much she loved him and admired his intellect. Always support what he is saying, even if you don’t agree. Challenging him in public is not only incredibly disrespectful and humiliating to your husband, it makes the rest of the group uncomfortable. Disagreements should ALWAYS be in private. Compliment him or tell the group about something he’s recently accomplished or something nice he’s done for you. Obviously you don’t want to say anything obnoxious or something that might embarrass him.

– Protection

It is a man’s natural instinct to want to protect his children and the woman he loves. Have you ever seen what a little boy does if someone says something bad about their mother?  This instinct to protect starts at a very young age. If you feel scared express it to him and let him protect you and make you feel secure. Hold his arm when you’re walking, let him know that him being there with you makes you feel safe!

– Freedom & Alone Time

You do not need to know where he is and what he is doing every second of the day. I think cell phones and social media make us feel entitled to this.  Give him privacy!  You do not need to know his every action.  Give him freedom.  If he comes home late don’t badger and nag him about it.  In fact, don’t say anything about it at all.  If he wants to talk about where he was or what he was doing, he will tell you.  By giving him this freedom and showing him your trust, over time I can bet that he will start telling you where he is or won’t come home late at all.  Also, remember that men need alone time.  I think as women we enjoy being around others so much that we forget men need some time to themselves, especially if he has been working all day.  If he comes home and goes straight into the office let him have some time in there to relax and be by himself.  Give him some quiet time!

– Let Him Lead

Men were born to lead.  It’s in their blood.  Let him do what he was born to do!  Let him be the leader of the family.  Support his decisions, trust in his decisions, especially in front of your children.  If you show him respect and obedience, your children will do the same.  It’s so important to set a good example.

 

Obviously I’ve only given a few suggestions, and there are so many more wonderful ways to show your man how much you admire him, show him that he is the man God made him to be.  Like all things, this may take some time.  At first it may even feel awkward or uncomfortable for you, and it may take a lot of effort.  But it will surely pay off.  You will see your husband truly shine because of your efforts.  You will give him such confidence and reassurance in his role as a man.

 

The Curse Of Overthinking

I saw this on Facebook the other day and I thought “Wow! This could not be more true!” I just had to share it with all of you.

How many of you are guilty of this? I know I sure am, probably too many times to count. I think this one of the worst traits we have as women, and in order to have a successful relationship and not drive ourselves insane it’s something we must learn to control.  Men are nothing like women. For the most part, they are pretty straightforward and actually mean what they say. When they say nothing is wrong, they mean it or they don’t want to talk about it. If they want to discuss so,egging with us, they will.

if you truly want to upset a man, sit there and nag at him trying to figure out “what’s wrong”. Chances are nothing was wrong before, but now something is. He’s annoyed with you!  We must learn to accept things at face value And not pry. Most men don’t like talking about what’s going on with them or their problems, quite the opposite of women, and we must remember and respect that. If he does want to discuss something with you, trust me, he will.

The example above is just the perfect example of what we tend to do. The woman is sitting there basically having an anxiety attack thinking her relationship is over because her husband seems distant, when in truth he’s just trying to figure out why his motorcycle won’t start. Chances are if a man seems distant, he is stressed out about something work related or something completely unrelated to us. If you notice your husband acting this way, the best thing to do is give him space. Don’t hover or be overbearing, give him a soft kiss, tell him you love him. If he likes a specific drink or glass of wine, make him one. Ask him if he needs anything, then five him space. Don’t try to strike up conversation when he’s clearly not in the mood. Let him have some peace and quiet, some relaxation time.

We must learn not to take everything so personally. And trust me, this takes time. My husband works an incredibly stressful job and crazy hours, and often comes home stressed out and exhausted. So if I haven’t seen him in a day and a half and he doesn’t come home overly excited to see me, I am not offended or upset. I understand that he is of course happy to see me, but the only thing he’s probably think about is how nice it’s going to feel once he takes his shoes off mad collapses on the couch with a glass of wine! Too many times I hear wives getting upset with their husbands within the first 5 minutes of them walking through the door. “Aren’t you even happy to see me?  Why didn’t you notice the new drapes?  Where’s my thank you for spending all day cleaning the house?” Do you think that’s what they want to come home to?! If they expect that when they come home from work I bet you will notice his work days getting longer and longer and him coming home later and later.

Like I mentioned before, none of this comes easily. It takes a lot of time, practice, and patience. I think the first step in overcoming your overthinking is being aware of it. Be aware of when you are doing it and stop yourself. Stop getting worked up and stressed out over nothing! If you are able to control your overthinking not only will it improve your relationship, but you will find yourself to be so much happier because you are not worrying and stressed out all the time. You will feel relaxed and tension released from your shoulders, neck, and jaw. It’s amazing what it can do for you!

So my dear ladies, your homework is to become aware of your overthinking and stop it when you notice it. Stop taking things personally and trust and love in your husbands!