New Year, New You!

New-Year-Wish-For-2013

 

I always think of the new year as a chance for a fresh start.  The bad habits and things I didn’t do well before… this is a chance to make improvements on all of them!  I’m not one for new years resolutions.  I don’t believe that you should just decide to improve one part of your life.  Why not work on improving all of it?

For the new year, get a journal or a notebook.  Begin by writing down all of the things you want to do better.  Maybe it’s learn new recipes, do a better job at sticking to your cleaning schedule, or take better care of your husband.  Your list can be two things or fifty things.  It’s all up to you.

Once you’ve really looked at things and made your list, continue to journal about what you can do to make these improvements.  Are you going to look up local cooking classes to improve your cooking skills?  Are you going to take a sewing or a French class at the local college?  Maybe you are going to start meditating or doing yoga to help you keep calm and patient.  Be specific about what you plan on doing in order to make the improvements in your life.

Continue to journal throughout the year on your progress.  It’s amazing, after a few months you can go back and read from the beginning and see what leaps and bounds you have made.

I wish you all a wonderful and improved 2015!

Greeting Your Husband Properly

article-0-0858384E000005DC-542_468x555

I know I have touched on this topic before, but the way that you greet your husband when he comes home from work can have a huge impact on your relationship, whether you realize it or not.  It is so much more meaningful than we give credit.

Scenario 1-

Your husband is coming home from a long, stressful day at work.  He’s worn out and tired, and there’s nothing more he would like than to come home to his lovely wife and children; his sanctuary.  Instead, he comes home to chaos.  The children are running around the house making lots of noise, there’s a pile of dishes in the sink, there are toys scattered about, dinner isn’t even close to being ready, and his wife looks stressed out and disheveled. No one even hears him come through the door.  He realizes all he really wants to do is walk right back out that door, and go have a drink at a nearby bar.

Scenario 2-

Your husband is driving home from a long, stressful day at work.  He’s exhausted and tired, and he can’t wait to be home with his lovely wife and children.  He walks through the door, the house is spotless and the aroma of dinner fills his nose.  His wife greets him looking fresh faced and lovely, carrying his favorite drink in her hand.  The children are calm and lovely as well, and greet him with longing hugs and kisses.  His favorite genre of music is playing softly throughout the house.  Everything is wonderful and perfect.  He is so happy to finally be home with his family; he is truly in his sanctuary.

Which husband is trying to leave work early, and which one seems to always have to work late?  Make your home a place that your husband counts down the minutes to come home to.

15-20 minutes before your husband comes home, you should freshen yourself up.  Powder your face, brush your hair, sprtiz on some perfume.  Make sure you don’t look tired or stressed out, you should look fresh faced and happy to see him.  Don’t greet him in sweatpants and house slippers!  Put on a nice housedress or outfit that he likes you in.  You’ll want to do the same for your children.  Make sure they’re in clean clothes and have clean faces.  If your children eat dinner separately from you and your husband, they should already be fed and the dishes cleaned or in the dishwasher.  The entire kitchen should be cleaned except for whatever you’re using for you and your husbands dinner.  In fact, the whole house should be clean.  There shouldn’t be any clutter lying around.  Everything should be neat and tidy and in its place, all surfaces should be wiped down.  The house should smell clean and fresh, but not of cleaning products.  You should also greet him with a drink when he comes home.  This doesn’t necessarily mean alcoholic, maybe when he gets home he would like nothing more than some fresh squeezed lemonade or ice water.  If you don’t know, ask him!  My husband loves the classic tunes of Dean Martin and Frank Sinatra, so I make sure before he comes home that it is playing on the stereo in the house.  iTunes radio or Pandora are wonderful to have your husbands favorite music playing when he comes home!  You also want to know what time he wants dinner.  I know some men want to come home to dinner ready on the table, while others prefer to relax for a while before eating.  You know your husband better than anyone else, so you know what you need to do in order to meet his needs.  And if you don’t know, ask!  How many of you have actually ever asked your husband what he would like when he comes home?

family-values-wife-serving-husband

This is not only good for your husband, it is good for you and your entire family as well.  The entire atmosphere of your home is different when you put these things into practice.  You will eliminate stress as you will have everything prepared by the time he gets home.  If you’re using your schedule, you should have no problem getting everything done.  You will also enjoy the extra time you have together.  Instead of there being chaos trying to finish cleaning and putting dinner on the table, these things will be already taken care of.  You can enjoy watching a favorite TV show or movie together before bed.  Your quality time together will increase.  He will also be in a much better mood when he gets home, which definitely puts the entire family at ease.  Everyone is happy to see each other, and there is minimal stress and tension.  It will make you feel so good knowing that you created this!

The bottom line is that he should be coming home to peacefulness.  He should be coming home to a place full of joy and love, a place where he can unwind and relax after a hard days work.  Let him start the conversation for the evening, you should never bother him with problems or your day right when he gets home.  If he’s around people all day, he really might just want some peace and quiet, or maybe even a little time alone.  He may just want to enjoy your company, minus the conversation.  You should try your best to respect this and look at things from his point of view.  Obviously if there’s something important, you should bring it up.  Just don’t do it the moment he walks through the door.  With this, timing is everything.  Also, with this peaceful environment it makes talking about these things much easier.

Make your husband happy to come home… make him want to come home!  So many women complain about how their husbands are always working late.  They should take a step back and look at what he may be coming home too, it could very easily explain why he chooses to work extra hours rather than come home on time.  Doing these simple things can really make such a difference in your home environment and your marriage.  Besides your husband feeling happy and relieved when he comes home, you will find that you too feel satisfaction from what you’ve done.  You’ve created a sanctuary for your husband and yourself.  You will feel accomplished and proud that you are able to make your husband so happy, and make your home a place he wants to be.

352436_1

For those of you that don’t do this, I challenge you to try it!  See the difference it will make in your lives!  See the difference in the way your husband acts when he comes home, and even the way he treats you.  You are showing him how much you truly care about him by making something so simple, such as him coming home from work, so important to you.  He will see the effort you are putting forth, and you will be rewarded in so many ways.

Good Cop, Bad Cop

There are some days I lay my head down so exhausted.  I’ve felt like my entire day was filled of me saying “No!  Don’t!  Stop it!  Go to your room!”  Do you ever have days like that? … where you feel like all you’ve done all day is discipline?

o-MOTHER-SCOLDING-CHILDREN-IN-BLACK-AND-WHITE-facebook

As homemakers, we sometimes deal with the stigma of being “the mean one” or the “bad cop”.  We spend the day disciplining and teaching, making sure that our children grow up to be successful, responsible, respectful human beings, and some days require more of that than others.  What can make it difficult sometimes, is it seems the moment Dad walks through the door, all the bad behavior of the day is forgotten, and Daddy is home to save the day.  He’s the hero.  The children are so excited to see him, they drop whatever is in hand and run to the door with excitement.  And of course, daddy is beyond excited to see them as well after a long, hard day at work.  Meanwhile, we may be standing in the background exhausted and at our wit’s end.  And now that dad is home, the children only want to be with him, and we immediately become the bad guy.  All we’ve done all day is discipline.

50sdad

It can feel really draining sometimes.  It can feel so unfair at times!  Why do I always have to be the bad guy?  Why must I be the one to constantly say no?!  Why don’t the children seem as excited to see me?

It took a long time for me to deal with this problem.  For a very long time it really wore me down, it made me feel like an awful mother, it made me want to give up on things.  It made me question everything.  Then one day I realized, somebody has to do it.  Do I want to be my children’s friend or their mother?  Do I care more about them liking me or about them growing up to be good people?  This, along with so many other things, comes along as part of the sacrifice.  They might think I’m the “mean one”, and that is okay.  I can deal with that because I know at the end of the day, I am doing the right thing, I am doing what is necessary.  I’m doing what I need to do as a mother and wife.

For some time this whole thing actually caused me to resent my husband at times.  I was mad at him, and for what?  I was being so unfair to him, and it was causing tension.  It was really awful.  Eventually I sat down and looked at the big picture.  How many hours a day do I spend with them, compared to the time he spends with them?  By the time he gets home sometimes they are already in their pajamas and getting ready for bed.  So guess what, if that one hour of that day he gets to spend with them he gets to be the good guy, he deserves it.  He shouldn’t have to spend his limited time with the children disciplining them.  That is my job.  That is the responsibility I hold by being a homemaker.  It’s one more thing to add to the list of what truly makes this job difficult sometimes, one of the things other people don’t even think about.

If you are currently in the situation I was once in, I encourage you to take a step back.  Take a deep breath and look at the big picture.  Realize that this is all part of being a stay at home mother, it comes along with the job.  Besides that, things will get better!  Children will get older and things will change.  Make sure you are taking at least a little time out of your day to do something for yourself.  Keep your head up and stay positive!

How To Keep the Holidays as Stress Free as Possible

Thanksgiving came and left in the blink of an eye.  Isn’t it amazing how we spend an entire day cooking (sometimes even two!) just for one night of dinner?  It is a lot of work, but it’s definitely worth it.  Bringing family and friends together over an enormous, delicious dinner one night of the year is priceless.  It also seems to be the one night when the children actually eat their dinner!

Along with all the joy and love that the holidays bring, it also brings an enormous amount of stress.  Family members stopping by or staying over, decorating, cooking, cleaning, shopping… it seems to never end.  The holidays should be a time to celebrate, not to be stressed out!  Here’s how you do it.

christmas-wife-50s

Lists, lists, lists.

I swear I could not function without making lists!  Really, I don’t know how anyone functions without making lists.  When you try to rely on keeping everything memorized in your head is when things are forgotten and mistakes happen, which definitely add to your stress.  As mothers and wives we are pulled in a million different directions at all times, so having a list to rely on to remember things rather than our memory is a huge help.

Here are all of the things you should create a list for in preparation of the upcoming holiday:

Christmas Card Recipients

Christmas Gift Recipients & What They Will Be Receiving

Christmas Dinner Menu

Christmas Dinner Groceries

If you are going to have guests staying over you will also need:

Guests Visiting & Arrival/Departure Dates

Checklist for essential guestroom items

(If you also celebrate on Christmas Eve as well you will need to add it to the list)

 

Along with your lists, you will also need to schedule dates for everything.  You want to have a date set for when you will have all your Christmas cards completed and sent out by, when all your gifts will be purchased and wrapped and mailed if necessary, what day you are going to put up all of your Christmas decor, when you are going to grocery shop for your Christmas dinner groceries, what foods you can make or prep in advance and how long,

Besides creating lists and schedules, I also recommend keeping extras of things just to be as prepared as possible for the unexpected.  What if another family member wants to stop by or stay over?  Maybe you receive a gift or Christmas card from someone that you didn’t expect?  Extra Christmas cards are a must, and having a few gift cards from popular places like Amazon, Target, or Starbucks make it easy to give a gift to someone you weren’t expecting.  Also having extra travel size toiletries and towels can be so helpful.

Eliminating stress during the holidays means having everything prepared so you are not sitting around worrying or trying to remember something.  Have it all written out and done in advance!  Another huge help is sticking to your cleaning schedule!  You won’t have to worry about doing any major cleaning before guests arrive because it will already be done.

L1259DBL

So sit down, get organized, and have a stress free holiday!

 

 

 

 

Living a Selfless Life

That’s what it’s all really about, living a selfless life.  All the posts I write about being submissive, being a mother, being a housewife, the common theme is that you put your families needs before your own.  You may think to yourself “Well, I do that all the time!  I’m always doing things for them!”  But when it comes down to it, are you really?  Are you doing things without asking for or expecting anything in return?  Are you truly living selflessly?

1950s HOUSEWIFE IN KITCHEN HAVING HUSBAND TASTE FOOD ON STOVE

My husbands needs, wants, etc. are met before anyone else’s.  There’s no question about it. He knows it.  I know it.  The children know it.  He is the head of the household, and he is cared for first.  Please don’t take that to the extreme, it’s a general statement.  If a child is injured, sick, crying, etc. obviously they have to be tended to first at that moment.  We are reasonable, logical, caring people, but there is definite order within our household.  I’ve used this analogy before, but I believe it is so accurate.  A Fortune 500 company doesn’t have two CEO’s or two Presidents, they have one.  One person that is in charge and has the final say.  It doesn’t mean that the rest of the employees or board members aren’t heard or aren’t important, but there is one person that makes the final decision about things.  That is what makes these companies run smoothly and successfully.  The same works for a family.  Think of your husband as the CEO or President, you can be the VP.  You are still very important with a role that is essential to the company being successful and running smoothly.  The company couldn’t run with just the President, he needs the VP there too.

By being able to step down and let your husband take the role that comes naturally to him, you are truly doing your family a favor.  You are benefiting everyone, including yourself.  A wife and mother have endless responsibilities as it is tending to the house and children, let your husband be in charge and make the tough decisions for you… let him alleviate some of that stress for you!  Not only does it benefit you, but it benefits him.  Taking this role is what is natural to him, and you will see him become more loving and comfortable in his role, you will see him succeed because this is what he was born to do.  Your children will benefit because they see a strong leader and a loving relationship between their parents, and it will really influence them in a positive way by setting good standards and morals.  The family was meant to function a certain way, and doing so will make it successful.  So why have we strayed so far from a method that works?

50swife4

In my opinion, it’s about personal wants and needs.  To say it bluntly, selfishness.  A mother, instead of spending time with her young child and raising them herself, brings them to a nanny or daycare so she can take on a career in an office setting.  Who is this benefiting?  Definitely not the child(ren).  The child(ren) wants to be with their mother.  But the mother chooses a career instead of motherhood.  This is most definitely not living selflessly.  And many times mothers that are working are not able to take on the wifely role at home either.  This is not good for a marriage as the husband is now forced to take on many “wifely duties” in order to help out.  It is unnatural, and will likely cause strain within a marriage.  The wife is upset because she feels the husband should help out more, and the husband is upset because he feels the wife needs to be responsible for her duties as a wife.

Did you know only 29% of women choose to be stay at home mothers?  I understand of course that some women don’t have a choice, they may be single mothers or the family cannot afford for her to not work.  That is a different situation.  But when a woman has the choice, why would she choose to spend time in an office instead of with her children?  This is something I will never truly understand.

So I urge you all, take a step back and look at your family dynamics.  Are you allowing your husband and yourself to take on your natural roles?  If not, make a change, it’s never too late.  You will see such improvement and happiness in your lives!

“You’re so lucky!”

“You’re so lucky!”

This was the reaction I received when chatting with another woman about how much my husband works. Mind you, I was not complaining about it. I was explaining how much I admire his dedication to what he does. His ability to always put others first no matter what sacrifices he has to make at times. He is the most hardworking man I have ever met.

I sat back for a few seconds trying to process things, trying to understand why she would say such a thing. She continued on…

“I wish my husband would work that much. I’d definitely have a few less grey hairs and wrinkles around my eyes.”

I am very non-confrontational, so I kept my true feelings and what I really wanted to say inside, and answered her with a smile. I wanted to ask her “well then why on earth did you marry him if you don’t like to be around him?”, but instead I said nothing. A smile says enough. As you can imagine this conversation came to a close rather quickly after that, and I went on with my day. But my mind kept going over this conversation, and it really made me think about something that sadly seems to be very common.

IMG_0050

Why are women constantly bad-mouthing their husbands?

This is something that happens way too often. When a group of women get together, it seems like the conversation more than not very quickly turns into a husband bashing party. Is it cool? Is it meant to be funny? Is it being done because others are doing it? What is the point?

I understand that we all need to vent sometimes, to get something off our chest. It can sometimes be therapeutic, but I think it needs to be done in the appropriate way, place, and time.

If you’ve spent the afternoon with your girlfriend complaining about your husbands together, the moment he walks through that door when he gets home from work you’re going to already have a negative attitude toward him, when he hasn’t done a thing but come home! All these negative thoughts will have been stirring around your mind, and he’s not going to receive the love and respect he deserves when he comes home after a long day at work.

Complaining about your husband is not going to get you anywhere but into an unnecessary argument later.

I personally can’t stand when a woman complains about her husband. I think it makes her look bad and classless. Respecting your husband definitely does not include bad mouthing him to others. I am also a person who believes that you should not complain about something unless you’re going to do something about it, otherwise it just sounds like whining. If you have something that is bothering you and you just want to get it off your chest and then move on, that’s fine! I completely understand. But I would not sit there going back and forth competing to see who’s husband does worse or more annoying things. Another way to do this appropriately is if you are asking for advice. If you want to see if I’ve experienced something similar or would like my opinion on how to handle or approach something, I am more than happy to listen and share with you. Besides these examples, there’s really no other time I find it appropriate to say something negative about your husband. How would you feel if the situation were reversed?

Ladies, the bottom line is respect your husband, love him with all his faults just as he does for you. If you’re with friends and they get into “husband bashing mode”, remove yourself from the conversation. You will definitely send a message and hopefully make the other women think twice about what they are doing. We must always love, cherish, and give our husbands the respect they deserve.

IMG_0051.JPG

Is this really what it’s come to?

I recently read an article called “25 ways you know you’re a stay at home mom“.  Several people on Facebook were sharing it, so I thought it would be a fun read.  Let me start out by saying that I do have a sense of humor, I really do!

6a0105358c84f1970b017743dbd17b970d

  1. You’re kids ask where you’re going when you put on jeans.

  2. At least half of your meals consist of your child’s leftovers.

  3. When your husband asks, “What did you do today?” you can’t muster up a single thing to report, despite feeling like you’ve been put the spin cycle of the washing machine.

  4. You can clean your entire house with a package of baby wipes.

  5. A “night out” is roaming the isles of Target alone.

  6. The TV has been on all day, but you have no idea what’s happening in world news.

  7. Showering is a major accomplishment.

  8. Your kids see you naked more often than your husband.

  9. You actually knows what the fox says, or what it could say at least, because 50% of your time is making animal sounds.

  10. Your mood depends solely on the amount of time your child napped for.

  11. Putting a bra on means someone special is coming over.

  12. On the way out the door, you look down at your kids crusty food on your shirt and think to yourself, eh, it’s not that bad.  Or worse, you pick it off and actually taste it.

  13. You fake stomach problems once your husband gets home just so you can go to the bathroom alone.

  14. Your dog barks when you put “real” shoes on.

  15. You have invited Jehovah Witnesses in on more than one occasion, and scared them off after you asked if they’d like a dirty martini.

  16. You have to check the weather out before you head out because you have no idea how warm or cold it is because you haven’t been out in days.

  17. You consider going on Facebook “spending time with your friends”.

  18. You’ve been wearing the same outfit for a couple of days in a row… and you’re not sure how many “a couple” means.

  19. You’ve contemplated performing your own hysterectomy while preparing dinner … more than once.

  20. Your vacuum cleaner is a permanent fixture in (insert busiest room in the house) and hasn’t been unplugged for three months.

  21. You have no idea what date or day of the week it is, but you can tell what time it is just by what cartoon is on TV.

  22. It’s only 9 am and you’ve already though “I need a drink”.

  23. You’re nursing an infant on the toilet while simultaneously scheduling a doctors appointment.

  24. The cup of coffee you are drinking at lunch is the cup you made at 5:30 am, just reheated for the 100th time.

  25. You don’t want to go to bed at night because the silence is just to beautiful, no matter how tired you are.

 

I think I would find this to be a lot funnier if it weren’t so close to the truth!  There were countless comments on this article saying things like “oh my gosh this is so me!”  “haha I can totally relate!”  and other things of that nature.  It’s sort of like if another person pokes fun at you about something that’s a sensitive subject, it’s meant to be funny but in the end, it really isn’t.  This list of things is what homemakers and stay at home moms have become.  And this is why society no longer views a homemaker as a sacred and honorable position.  We are blessed with gadgets and technology that help us in countless ways, we don’t have to do our laundry in a bucket with a washboard, we don’t even have to clean dishes by hand!  But this sure doesn’t mean that we should be lazy because of these luxuries.  Unless you are ill, there’s no reason you shouldn’t get up and get yourself ready every single morning.  There’s no reason to be walking around in yoga or sweat pants and an old t-shirt with your hair sloppily pinned on top of your head.  There’s no reason you shouldn’t put on a little mascara and cover your blemishes.  When has it become acceptable to look like complete slobs?

Just this morning I went to the grocery store and saw a woman there that literally looked like she had just rolled out of bed.  As if she had thrown the covers off, slipped on some shoes, and drove to the grocery store.  Why do women no longer seem to take pride in their appearance?

I believe that being a homemaker is what you make of it.  If you want to sit around like a bum, lounging on the couch walking TV, your home and family life are going to reflect that.  Do you truly believe your husband is going to be happy coming home to that?  Do you think the women he works with show up to work looking like they just rolled out of bed?  No.  They take the time to get ready and put themselves together.  Don’t be surprised if you notice your husband suddenly having longer hours at the office than before.

Why have we developed this attitude that staying home to take care of our families is a chore?  Have we forgotten what an absolute privilege it is?!  There are women out there actually choosing to sit behind a desk rather than be at home to take care of their children.  I feel beyond blessed given the opportunity to be a homemaker.  There is nothing else I could ever imagine myself doing and being this happy.  Are same days more difficult than others?  You bet!  Are there days when I lose my patience and feel like my children aren’t listening to a word I say?  Of course!  But guess what, that’s part of being a parent.

stressed-mom-home-9362937

The bathroom one did make me laugh.  It’s good to know I’m not the only one who seems to have a constant companion in the bathroom!  Whether it’s the kids or the dog, a trip to the bathroom alone is rare.  Trust me, I could go on and on about each point in this article, but I think you all get the hint.

 

 

Happy Homemaker.jpg-thumb_202_269

Like I said before, I think the author wrote this piece with the intention of making us laugh.  However, I think I would have been able to appreciate it a bit more if these things weren’t actually true for so many homemakers today.  I believe it is time for us to remember that we have the best job of all, and it pays much more than any amount of money ever could.  We need to be proud of being homemakers, and we need to show it!

1. Your kids ask where you are going when you put on jeans.

2. At least half of your meals consist of your child’s leftovers.

3. When your husband asks, “what did you do today?” you can’t muster up a single thing to report, despite feeling like you’ve been put through the spin cycle of the washing machine.

4. You can clean your entire house with a package of baby wipes.

5. A “night out” is roaming the aisles at Target alone.

– See more at: http://www.scarymommy.com/ways-you-know-youre-a-stay-at-home-mom/#sthash.EEEEl8Fm.dpuf